In my previous blog, we looked at how changing your attitude can change your future. If it’s time to change your future, here are a few secrets I’d like to share with you …

1. It’s perfectly normal for most of us to talk to ourselves the whole time
2. Since these messages are playing in your head, no-one else can hear them or know they are happening
3. Since they are playing in YOUR head, you can take control and do something about them.

Here’s how to do it.

Stage 1: Spend a day or so simply noticing and observing what actually goes on in your head. You’ll probably be surprised because:

1. the chatter may have been inaudible to you until you took the time to notice it; you may have just thought it was the wind in your hair
2. there may be so much going on in your head that at times it sounds like a massive conversation or tirade of messages; yet it only lasts seconds
3. some of the messages may be self-destructive and others may be supportive or more positive
4. there may be a range of different ‘voices’ in different circumstances
5. you may ‘hear’ nothing at all. You might simply get a sense of there being an inclination or push towards a particular direction or thought.

Stage 2: Make some notes about your noticing and observing experience.

• What were the messages?
• Whose ‘voice’ were they – yours or someone else’s?
• How much did you take notice of the messages?
• What did you notice about how you were affected by the messages?
• What was the balance between messages that helped and supported you and those that weren’t supportive or helpful?
• Were there some ‘voices’ that were more helpful and others that were not?

 Stage 3: Now pick several of the least helpful or supportive messages, perhaps the ones that sapped your confidence or turned you away from what could have been a better attitude or an important step forward.

Step 4: What happens for many of us is that we have a repeating pattern of unhelpful messages and we can get stuck in a loop. Now it’s time to change the record.

For each of these unhelpful messages try any of these approaches:

• How could you simply change the message to be more helpful or supportive?
• Imagine the message coming from someone you could not take seriously – a cartoon character, a comedian, your daft friend, your pet
• Imagine how your best friend, Mum, coach or hero would respond if you actually said this message out loud to them
• Imagine how that message might sound if it was speeded up, or really, really slowed down so it was unintelligible
• Imagine how it might sound if it was repeated over and over again until it simply became a string of meaningless sounds or tones
• Counter your message by asking yourself the “Yes, but …” question. For example: –It’s not worth applying since I’ll never get an interview. “Yes, but what if I do get an interview? Yes, but what if no-one else applies? Yes, but I already did this job for the last year?!
• When messages seem to be warning you of danger, try countering with “What’s the worst that could happen?”
• Let the messages play – let them simply pass like clouds – and decide which helpful ones you will pluck from the sky, pay attention to and use
• Get a sense of the messages that come from your best self and allow more of those through
• Block or shield yourself from unhelpful messages with mindfulness, music, movement, being in nature or focusing on others
• Make friends with the cheeky, teasing, disruptive messages and put them away in a cupboard, even if they still rattle the door!
• Write out the unhelpful messages and have a ceremony to destroy them – shred them, burn them or throw them into the bin!

Experiment with these and notice which ones work for you in which situations. Come up with other approaches, if you’d like to and play with them. Take control, listen and take heed of the messages that help; choose not to be affected by others.

By gradually working on your internal messaging over time you’ll find shifts in your attitude towards being more open, responsible, flexible and positive and others around you will notice this too.

Oprah Winfrey said that you can change your future just by changing your attitude. If you’d like some help with developing better messaging, to create a more positive future for yourself, let’s talk. Oprah isn’t available, so call me on 0797 707 2760 or email me at sue.hewitt@develomenta.co.uk!