Do you ever feel that you have to ‘go it alone’ to get something done? That you can’t or shouldn’t be asking other people for help?

You don’t live in a vacuum and we can all achieve so much more when we work together with others, to find the support we need. But of all the people out there, who do you decide to ask for help? Who are the people who might actually hinder your progress? This article will help you do just that.

Do You Need a Dream Team?

“This is not courage, but determination.”  Gisèle Pelicot

You might have heard that while we may each know up to 1,500 people in our lives, it’s suggested that we can only maintain meaningful relationships with around 150. That’s still a lot of people! Within that number, people tend to fall into three broad categories when it comes to supporting others:

• 10% are Active Cheerleaders – they’re firmly on your side and want you to succeed
• 80% are Passive Bystanders – they’re neutral, and will help if you ask
• 10% are Active Adversaries – they resist or undermine your progress.

This means that in your network you might already have 15 active cheerleaders (you can probably already name them!) There’s another group of 120 people who you could ask for help and they are likely to deliver.

The key to building a strong support network isn’t trying to win everyone over. It’s learning where it’s best to invest your time and energy.

Your Active Cheerleaders already believe in you. They are a shoulder to cry on, inspiration when you’re a bit down and will join you in celebrations and excitement for your successes. They are a bit like your PR team; they’ve got your back and are a source of ideas, hints, tips, advice and wise words. They are already on Team You. Nurture these relationships and let them know what you’re working towards.

Your Active Adversaries, on the other hand, can drain enormous energy for very little return. They can seem to be deliberately obstructive, wilfully unhelpful or actively destructive to your confidence or ambitions. You don’t need to fight every battle or convince every critic. It’s best to simply limit your time and contact with these folk.

The real opportunity lies with the 80% — the Passive Bystanders. These people aren’t against you; they’re simply unaware of what you need. Often, one clear request is enough to turn them into allies.

Get to know your Passive Bystanders

To help you spot who’s who, it’s useful to look at the different roles these Passive Bystanders may already play in your life.

1. Energy Givers – they lift your spirits and leave you feeling lighter and stronger. Spend more time with them, particularly when you are stressed, busy or need a lift!
2. Role Models – people who’ve walked a path you admire or aspire to. Learn from them, selectively. Maybe your future self is a combination of their qualities, skills and experiences.
3. Heroes and Heroines – those who inspire you to think bigger, even from afar. Ask yourself – what would they advise in this situation, how would they handle this particular struggle?
4. Gatekeepers – people who control access to opportunities, information or networks. Show genuine interest in these people for who they are, not just for what they control.
5. Accidental Gardeners (Bosses, Coaches, Mentors) – these people have actively supported your growth and development now or in the past. They are just waiting to be recognised, thanked and asked to join Team You. Thank them, work out with them what is their best way to continue to support you.
6. Apprentices – people you’re already supporting or mentoring. Giving back is a natural flow in development and gives you energy. It also strengthens your network for the future. Be careful to set and reinforce boundaries so you protect your energy and resources.

Take some time to reflect on those 120 people in your network who could become Active Cheerleaders. Some people in your 80% may appear in more than one of the categories above, depending on context. What matters is noticing patterns. Where are you well supported? Where are there gaps? Where might one brave conversation unlock unexpected help?

It’s worth taking the time to strategically work on the gaps. In my next post I’ll share an exercise to help you do this. If you’d like to know now how to do this, get in touch! Call me on 0797 707 2760 or email me at sue.hewitt@develomenta.co.uk.