There is a lot of talk about virtual working these days. Many people never went back to work in office after the lock downs. Now we’re forming teams with people on the other side of the word. We need to remember that as long as we’re humans and not cyborgs, then the human to human connection will always be important. This was obvious when I ran a women’s programme in France with a global organisation. Some of them met for the first time despite the fact they have been working together for many months. After the programme they said that they felt much more positive about their working relationships, simply because they felt that they REALLY knew the other person now.

If you’re experiencing difficulties with a colleague or friend that you haven’t seen for a while (and even if you are not) just get yourself over there. Real people make real relationships. You form a stronger bond face to face than by video or phone.

Who haven’t you seen for a while. When will you see them?

The post Being Human first appeared on develomenta.

Pick a particular challenge or issue that you’re facing currently. Now imagine what would Hermione Granger do? What would your best friend say, if you asked them for help? How would Gisèle Pelicot, a very brave French woman who spoke out about how she’d been treated, approach your challenge?

Put together your Dream Team – the people to whom you could go to or consult for advice, ideas, verification and validation. These can be real people – including ones you’ve never actually met; they can also be fictional or loved ones no longer with us. What is it about these people that allows you to trust them in supporting you?

Once you have selected your Dream Team, think about how you could put into practice their ideas or approach. What can you learn from how they have dealt with issues in the past? How can you apply their ideas to your current situation? And remember you can add to or shuffle your Dream Team at any time. They work for you.

Many of us are brilliant at coping, managing and pushing through, often quietly and often alone. Becoming the best assertive and authentic you isn’t just about speaking up for yourself; it’s also about recognising when you don’t need to do everything on your own. Learning to ask for help – and asking the right people – can change everything.

If you’d like me to join your Dream Team, let’s have a chat! Call me on 0797 707 2760 or email me at sue.hewitt@develomenta.co.uk.

(Image Credit: Marcel Strauss on Unsplash)

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You don’t live in a vacuum and we can all achieve so much more when we work together with others, to find the support we need. But of all the people out there, who do you decide to ask for help? Who are the people who might actually hinder your progress? This article will help you do just that.

Do You Need a Dream Team?

“This is not courage, but determination.”  Gisèle Pelicot

You might have heard that while we may each know up to 1,500 people in our lives, it’s suggested that we can only maintain meaningful relationships with around 150. That’s still a lot of people! Within that number, people tend to fall into three broad categories when it comes to supporting others:

• 10% are Active Cheerleaders – they’re firmly on your side and want you to succeed
• 80% are Passive Bystanders – they’re neutral, and will help if you ask
• 10% are Active Adversaries – they resist or undermine your progress.

This means that in your network you might already have 15 active cheerleaders (you can probably already name them!) There’s another group of 120 people who you could ask for help and they are likely to deliver.

The key to building a strong support network isn’t trying to win everyone over. It’s learning where it’s best to invest your time and energy.

Your Active Cheerleaders already believe in you. They are a shoulder to cry on, inspiration when you’re a bit down and will join you in celebrations and excitement for your successes. They are a bit like your PR team; they’ve got your back and are a source of ideas, hints, tips, advice and wise words. They are already on Team You. Nurture these relationships and let them know what you’re working towards.

Your Active Adversaries, on the other hand, can drain enormous energy for very little return. They can seem to be deliberately obstructive, wilfully unhelpful or actively destructive to your confidence or ambitions. You don’t need to fight every battle or convince every critic. It’s best to simply limit your time and contact with these folk.

The real opportunity lies with the 80% — the Passive Bystanders. These people aren’t against you; they’re simply unaware of what you need. Often, one clear request is enough to turn them into allies.

Get to know your Passive Bystanders

To help you spot who’s who, it’s useful to look at the different roles these Passive Bystanders may already play in your life.

1. Energy Givers – they lift your spirits and leave you feeling lighter and stronger. Spend more time with them, particularly when you are stressed, busy or need a lift!
2. Role Models – people who’ve walked a path you admire or aspire to. Learn from them, selectively. Maybe your future self is a combination of their qualities, skills and experiences.
3. Heroes and Heroines – those who inspire you to think bigger, even from afar. Ask yourself – what would they advise in this situation, how would they handle this particular struggle?
4. Gatekeepers – people who control access to opportunities, information or networks. Show genuine interest in these people for who they are, not just for what they control.
5. Accidental Gardeners (Bosses, Coaches, Mentors) – these people have actively supported your growth and development now or in the past. They are just waiting to be recognised, thanked and asked to join Team You. Thank them, work out with them what is their best way to continue to support you.
6. Apprentices – people you’re already supporting or mentoring. Giving back is a natural flow in development and gives you energy. It also strengthens your network for the future. Be careful to set and reinforce boundaries so you protect your energy and resources.

Take some time to reflect on those 120 people in your network who could become Active Cheerleaders. Some people in your 80% may appear in more than one of the categories above, depending on context. What matters is noticing patterns. Where are you well supported? Where are there gaps? Where might one brave conversation unlock unexpected help?

It’s worth taking the time to strategically work on the gaps. In my next post I’ll share an exercise to help you do this. If you’d like to know now how to do this, get in touch! Call me on 0797 707 2760 or email me at sue.hewitt@develomenta.co.uk.

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We all need a range of different types of help and we are each of us able to support others in different ways. When you think in a connected way you can work on these things together.  Here’s a practical exercise you can try, to make it happen.

Stage 1: First, grab a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle. On the left side write down all the ways you can help others. This could be where you have specialist knowledge or qualifications, lots of experience or simply something you are good at that you have shown others how to do. Don’t restrict this to your work life – add all those things from your life outside work too. Your best approach is to write quickly, with no judgement about whether or not this skill is actually helpful to others. It’s simply a way you know you could help others.

Next, on the right side of the paper write what you need help with, that others may be able to support you with. Again, make this a broad list. Give yourself permission to see that you need this help and add it to the list. Again, suspend your judgement. You don’t need to know exactly who can help you or how you’ll get that help. Just write down whatever comes to mind.

Stage 2: Now simply pause and review your two lists, side-by-side. Where are the connections? Is there something you can do for others that might give you access to something you need help with? Is there something you need help with that is related to something you could do for others? This is connected thinking. Perhaps you could help person A who could introduce you to person B who’d be able to help you. Perhaps if you shared your Cinnamon Crumble Cake recipe with your son’s schoolfriend’s parent, they might help you with your yoga class spreadsheets. Make some notes about these connections, so you can follow them up.

Stage 3: Go back to your first list of how you can help others and circle one of the items. It doesn’t matter how you make your choice – pick anything, perhaps the one you most enjoy or the one that is most appreciated by others.

Transfer that topic to another sheet of paper and write it in the centre of the page. Around this, construct a spider diagram, also called a mind map, of the many facets, connections and different aspects of this topic. Include a very wide variety of things – thoughts; ideas; people and groups; events; related topics; deadlines; how you have previously helped people with this topic; books, web pages, articles that you know about on this topic. Again, the best approach, is to write without judgement. As you now survey this page maybe you can see a connection that shows you how you can use this topic to help someone or a group of people.

Finally, do exactly the same with one of the topics you need help with. Fill a page with different aspects related to this and survey for ideas or connections that may get you the help that you need. Remember initially it may not be a person, it may be a group, a webpage or a podcast or something else.

Remember that networks are about giving and getting. No-one will build yours for you. You already have a network, so you are simply building on what you already have.

However you approach your networking, get in touch if you need more help with this topic. Let’s have a chat if it all still seems a bit scary or if you’ve changed direction and need to re-focus your network for your future. Perhaps you need some networking goals for this year? Call me on +44 07977 072 760 or click here to email me and we can talk about what help you need to really make your network work for you this year!

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This time I have another tool to share with you – networking! If the thought of walking into a room full of people fills you with dread, do read on. Let me show you how it easy – and how effective – it can be.

Networking isn’t about walking into a room and talking to complete strangers about something you want. It’s really about speaking to people you already know, both asking for, and offering, support. Then gradually building from those contacts to widen and deepen your matrix of network relationships. When life, work or business aren’t quite going to plan – and you’re not reaching your goals as easily as you’d like to – networking and the support of others can really help.

“My right hand is being held by someone who knows more than I, and I am learning. My left hand is being held by someone who knows less than I, and I am teaching. Both my hands need thus to be held for me – to be.”

Natasha Josefowitz

The value of networking is summed up the words above, from the poem ‘Support Systems’. It’s about give and take. It’s about being supportive and being supported.

Online networking

Although it’s been true for many years, the pandemic highlighted how important an online network can be. It’s easy and has also become much more normal to get together and network with people located all around the world. You will have met online and talked to people who you will maybe never meet face to face, thanks to the power of LinkedIn, Zoom, Teams, Slack, Facetime or whatever your preferred digital channels may be. Online networking gives you quick and easy access to a much wider group of people than you could ever meet personally in your career. These don’t need to be people very different to you – they could even be those doing a similar job to you inside your organisation but in another department, another part of the country or another country entirely.

‘Six degrees of separation’ is the theory that it’s possible to contact anyone in the world in only six hops. In the online world this drops to something closer to four. Even at this moment, you may already be digitally connected to someone you could help or who could help you.

As you have the possibility of linking, relatively easily, with anyone else in the world, you also have the possibility of becoming more visible, demonstrating your value and your talents to those who could be important for your future. What are the most relevant online networks for your specialism, profession or field of work? Use these strategically and make sure they work for you. Being more visible can have its downside. If a potential employer checks your online footprint, what will they find? Be aware of what message about yourself you are broadcasting with your online presence. Keep it professional and polite. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it online.

The largest business network is still LinkedIn. Not everyone who is on LinkedIn uses it actively, but it’s still a great place to build your presence and your support network. In addition, depending on your work or your support need, good places for you could also be Instagram, Tik-Tok, Facebook or another digital environment

Networking Face to Face

You might think that these days networking is all about who you know online. But meeting people face to face is still vitally important. It’s helpful to connect with others across the globe and it’s also important to raise your profile and get support from those with similar aims and interests who are more local to you. These may be people you see regularly but have never thought about in a networking way, or maybe you have never met them and they are only on the next floor of your building.

Networking well is about:

• supporting others and boosting their confidence
• boosting your confidence by helping others
• sharing information as well as challenges
• thinking in a connected way – how could your connections help someone if you cannot personally
• being helpful to others with good quality feedback, ideas and suggestions
• celebrating others ‘successes and picking them up when they fail
• cheering others along whilst they also advocate for you
• respecting each person’s unique qualities and strengths and valuing the synergy of working with them.

Setting up a Face to Face Network

Can’t find a network that feels right to you, or find the right support for what you need help with? Why not start your own network?!

When two or three people agree to meet for coffee and to give each other ideas and support – that’s already a network! If you want to do this then be clear with your co-networkers that you are getting together with a more focused agenda than ‘just a catch up’ or ‘just a chat’. Set a clear amount of time, have maybe just one point to discuss and have equal space for each person’s views or challenges.

You probably already know about well established, large networks, such as the Women’s Institute or Business Network International (BNI). Others are more specific, covering every different job you can think of, from Accountants to Zoo Keepers!

If you want to set up a more formal network, this checklist will get you started:

• What are your objectives, personally and for the group?
• Who will be eligible to attend, how will you find these people?
• Who’s going to organise it? Don’t try to do it all yourself!
• Talk to your organisation and Trade Union if it’s a network for people in that organisation.
• When are you going to meet, how often, what time of day?
• Where are you going to meet, free or at a price?
• What publicity do you need, just digital or hard copy too?
• Give it a descriptive or catchy name.
• Start small and let it grow.
• Respond flexibly to the needs of the group.
• Start now – make it happen!

What are you going to do first, to extend and maintain your networks? What can you do today, to find the support you need, to make your goals and your ambitions happen?

However you approach your networking, get in touch if you need more help with this topic. Let’s have a chat if it all still seems a bit scary or if you’ve changed direction and need to re-focus your network for your future. Perhaps you need some networking goals for this year? Call me on +44 07977 072 760 or click here to email me and we can talk about what help you need to really make your network work for you this year!

The post Using networking to make it happen first appeared on develomenta.

How many of us never even walk as far as the photocopier each day?  How many of us don’t visit other departments, other buildings.  When did you last venture outside during your lunch break?  How many different ways do you know to get to the canteen?  How many different people might you meet if you chose a table at random today?

I used to work in a company of about 250 people.  On Fridays I went and talked to people instead of sending internal emails.  So I knew real people not just a name on a email.  I had a small team and our work only got done through influencing others.  As a result of my visits I could get almost anything done.

The world is full of positivity but you may not find it sitting at your desk all day.  You need to get out there and discover the world beyond your office door.  Where can you go today?

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The programme over the last four months has clearly helped the participants find inspiration to change and grow.  Now I am inspired by what they have achieved!  Between us we have created a virtuous circle of inspiration.  I inspire them, the course materials inspire them, they inspire each other, they inspire me – and so it goes on

Once you start out on helping, motivating and inspiring others its surprising how you get back what you put in, easily in equal measure, if not more so.  Helping others always makes us feel good, so do it more. But balance this by not doing so much for others that you forget your own needs.  And here’s another thing.  When you ask others for their help it gives them an opportunity to feel good by helping you.

So make someone feel good – ask for help today!

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This doesn’t work for everyone. Some people prefer to keep their work and home life quite apart. However, friends are people we like and with whom we have fun and usually share values. Our working lives would be nicer, I’m sure if our colleagues were more like friends.

Where can you generate closer links and have colleagues who are also friends? How would that benefit you? You don’t need to cosy up to everyone at work but there may be a couple of folk with whom you have shared interests.

Where can you do the opposite and have friends who are also colleagues (or suppliers, or customers, or contractors)? How would that change your life? Take care to set good boundaries as although they say that all’s fair in love and business, it sometimes doesn’t work out way.

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All it needed was the creative thinking to make the connection.  But how many of us feel that we are waiting in line in our lives and work for something to happen, feeling that you have to let the others go first, or hang on until the appointed time, until you come to the top of the pile.  Yet maybe, just a minute away, there is a place where you don’t have to queue, where people want to help you, where there is opportunity. It could be right in the next office or just around the corner and you haven’t seen it cos you’ve been focusing on keeping your place in the queue, just like everyone else.

I say, life is too short for queuing.  Think creatively about where there are no queues. How could you get there?  What will you do to queue-jump today?  How will it feel when your queuing days are behind you and you have all that stuff that you have been waiting for?

The post Why are you queuing? first appeared on develomenta.

I was considering making changes to my business and about a month ago I spoke to my top team. They are 7 very different people who know me well, a mix of friends from different backgrounds and professions and a variety of former colleagues. They had different perceptions of what the changes might mean.  Some were very cautious, highlighting risks, others pointed out fantastic opportunities. No-one said they were too busy to talk, they all asked to be kept in the loop.

After these calls I felt more settled, able to ask myself the right questions and make a decision. I don’t expect anyone to make decisions for me or to tell me what to do but  knowing that my top team care about my happiness and my future really helps.

Who are your top team? When did you last ask then for advice? How can you include them more in your decision making? What can you do to help them in return?

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